It’s not easy to be grateful for our everyday lives.
We measure our day-to-day experiences based on how we feel in the moment. If something special happens, we notice that we are unusually happy (or, perhaps, unusually upset). Most of the time we just feel OK – good enough to get on with the business of our days.
Underneath that measurement we have a larger, mostly unquestioned assessment of what level of positive experience we need to be OK. If our standard of living goes up, then our expectations adjust with it. I used to function just fine without a smartphone. Then I was exctied by all the things my new phone could do. Now I’m annoyed if I leave my phone at home or let its battery run down.
Psychologists call this cycle the “hedonic treadmill.” It’s a useful theory, with one clear problem: as Yale scholar of decision-making Shane Frederick writes, “it implies that “economic inequality is irrelevant, that the poor would be no better off if they were rich. “
Frederick points out the flaw in measuring subjective happiness: “Someone who has lived a tough life might interpret 0 as unrelenting torture and 100 as pleasant comfort, whereas someone who has lived an easy life might interpret 0 as the absence of joy and 100 as heavenly bliss. If these two people each declared their happiness level to be a 60 (out of 100), it would obviously be wrong to conclude that the two people really are equally happy, since one person has adopted a higher standard for the internal feeling that warrants that rating.” He suggests looking not just for perceived happinesss, but for lowered stress indicators or patterns of brain activity that might point to greater satisfaction with life.
As someone whose life has improved markedly over the years, this distinction between happiness and satisfaction rings true. I probably wouldn’t rate my daily happiness any higher now than I did as a kid. But back then, I didn’t know what I didn’t have.
I take a step back and look at where I am now – at my loving family, my warm and reliable home life, and my meaningful work – I can see that I have much less stress and much more satisfaction.
And for that I am truly grateful.
